I need to dive right into this one…
People who know me would never think I have any issues with me! I am a selfie queen and have endless pictures on facebook of me pouting shamelessly and giving Tyra banks a run for her money in a posing comp! I constantly poke fun at myself and have never been shy….However, that’s not always the case.
In my head, I find compliments hard to swallow, Getting chatted up makes me cringe and the idea that I someone would actually fancy me is about as real as Kim and Kayne’s relationship! Someone recently said to me “the most unattractive thing about you is you dont know how attractive you are”….It stuck with me and struck accord. Could someone really think that? Am I seeing what everyone else can see? Me, Attractive? Paha!…Was funnier when someone told me I was sexy…BAHAHA! Those who know me know that is probably the last word I would use to ever describe myself, but then I had to ask myself why! Their explanation of “sexy” was it was a confidence and not always the phsyical and then I got thinking again…..(alot of thinking I know! This is all knew to me and I am suffering from headaches lol)
All the time we are told to be confident, be beautiful, be happy in ourselves, be you blah blah…but in the same breath we are given a perception of beauty to work with! What is beauty, sexy, attractive? Well its all relative to the individual and their own perection and preferences but more importantly it is what it means to you and how you see yourself.
I always see those little sayings on social media “It starts with you”…”You are the only opinion that matters”…etc etc But it’s strange because I am probably the only person who is struggling the most with my opinion of myself.
When you give someone what you feel is the best of you or at least give them yourself there is a level of expectation that they will respect, care and (in some cases) love you enough to appreciate you. Not the case. I have been cheated on, used, messed around, lied too…the list is endless but then who hasn’t and all those little things contribute to chipping away at you. Every time someone lies, hurts or insults me it takes a little bit away from who I am and my idea of myself and for what someone can do in a second takes weeks, months even years to rebuild yourself.
Part of the problem with not being to confident with myself is finding the balance between confident and arrogant. I speak to male friends who always say girls are “stoosh” or “unapproachable”. How confident can you be without giving out this impression? It always makes me laugh though because more time, the girls who uphold such an attitude are not the best looking or the nicest! But then, does my opinion matter if she is happy with herself?
You know when you’re on facebook and someone updates their cover photo or their profile pic and you think “that pic?? really?!” I do that all the time, and then like the hypocrite I am, worry if people are thinking the same about mine!! It’s a vicious circle and the hypocrisy is ripe!
I have a lot to get over and to mend about me, I often get told that I probably suffer from Body Dimorphia and I am too self deprecating but if I tell myself those things about me they will be the truth! I constantly make fat jokes giving the impression that that’s ok but believe if someone said what I said about myself to me I would drop kick their ass into next month. So why say them to myself?
A friend of mine is one of the wisest people I know and she said stand in the mirror and everyday just say something positive about yourself, build yourself up, give yourself those compliments your find hard to take until you do believe them. One physical feature and one other attribute about yourself. I guess they are right when they say, Love starts within you. When you are spoiling someone, treating someone, being nicer to someone more so than you are to yourself what are you showing them? How can you truly love someone if you don’t even love yourself? It all does begin to slowly but surely make sense to me!
So, here is to me loving me. Unconditionally. The good, the bad and the saggy!
So do it with me, learn to not be so negative about yourself because ultimately the only person who determines who you become and who you are is you.
Todays positives are that I am generous & I have beautiful eyes! What are yours?
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And just let me know how you are getting on! It’s going to be a looooog ride, but an interesting, refreshing and uplifting one!
Thanks for stopping by!
P.S Don’t Worry. Be Happy.