Everyone knows the above quote! If you have played Monopoly you have heard it over and over! It’s a game right? Now apart from Monopoly all the other games seem to ironically describe my relationship experiences. I know that doesn’t make sense but when I describe it you will know exactly what I mean…
So my most recent relationship unfortunately went Kaplunk leaving me young free and single to enter the world of dating. I made the awful mistake of watching “Act like a lady think like a man” which was a bit of a mind Boggle! Everyone seems to be playing a game, the guys on the girls the girls on the guys! I am not a huge game player and people who know me could tell you that I am stroppy and childish and don’t like to lose! Well no one goes into a game with the intention of losing, do they? I am pretty good quizzes and puzzles but Love is a game I have played and lost.
I find it really hard to make myself vulnerable to someone, to open myself and let my guard down leaving them then in control of how I feel. I can’t face my own feelings in the fear that the other person doesn’t reciprocate them. I try and connect 4 and end up with 8, 9 , 10 different stories of what the situation “might” be. I force myself to believe my own assumptions and then made childish choices adamant that they are justified, on information that isn’t even fact! For example, telling someone something indirectly to get a response to judge how they feel. We have all done it, thrown in a bit of info to try and make someone jealous so we can then determine how they feel without directly asking! OR convincing yourself that if “they message me first” they feel this way and if they “haven’t replied” then obviously he has met someone else and they are now engaged and she will be his wife and they are happily married and at the airport going on holiday to renew their vows and she is pregnant and they have 5 beautiful children…when in actual fact he is on the toilet doing a shit and his phone is on charge in the other room!!
I am an over thinker and this is never helped when you seek advice from friends who give your their opinion (and remembering it is ONLY an opinion and not fact is the difficult part). Trying to determine if everything he says or does means something else! Then there is the whole “don’t text him first” “let him chase you” “if he wants you he will chase you” etc…The list is endless!
Now ladies, we all know how nice it is when someone sends YOU a message first or they are all over YOU making you feel like the only woman in the world…but that isn’t a relationship that is just all about YOU. We strive to make a relationship all about what we want and what we look for in a man and what we want out of it without considering that WE have to offer something too!
I know and see plenty of women who are looking for a man with a job, house, car, no drama, money in the bank, romantic, nice designer clothes, can cook, dresses well the list is endless! But what are YOU BRINGING! The same women looking for the above man have NO job, sitting in their overdraft with their primark dress, £2.99 weave, on the bus arguing with her babydaddy and can roll a spliff but not make dumpling! Desperate for a man’s attention and looking like some hungry hippos! psshhhttt! Come on now! This isn’t about lowering our standards but it is about looking at what we have to offer and what we can look for in a man to find balance.
Someone told me that “expressing your feelings isn’t a sign of weakness and concealing them is not a sign of strength” It is very true however so much easier said than done. It’s difficult to play your hand when you are unsure what you are up against because the other person has the best poker face!
All these games lead to nothing but frustration and a bunch of people playing Cluedo trying to work out who feels what and who done what!
Like I have said in many of my other posts, it does all start with you. Until I am comfortable to let that guard down I will continue to play these silly games under the illusion I “have got this” when in actual fact I am loosing horribly!
So I pledge from here on out I will say how I feel! Without the fear of looking psycho (time has passed anyway we all know I am), without the fear of being let down or disappointed and without the fear of love and loving openly, honestly and whole heartedly. I am not a good game player, I couldn’t even name all the pieces in a game of chess but I will look at my experiences as drafts, learn from them, perfect my skill and understand that sometimes you have to lose in order to be better next time.
So, Feel how you feel without thinking about how you “should” feel. We could all question whether or not the timing is right, what people will think, whether or not they feel the same whether it is the right thing to do but in questioning all of this our feeling will remain the same. I don’t like the saying you have “nothing to lose” because it is not true. In the Game of life we have everything to lose but we sometimes focus so much on what we will lose we miss out on what we could potentially gain.
Thanks for stopping by x
P.S “Love is a losing game” – Amy Winehouse.