The 10 Small Print’s of Parenting..



This one is for all the parents, parents to be and anyone who fancies having a read!

I am truly blessed and have the most wonderful daughter who is now 21 months (she will be 2 soon for those who don’t wish to do the math!) and I can honestly say this has been the strangest, funniest, most empowering, amazing experience of my life so far and I know there is so much more to come! HOWEVER, there are a few things people never seem to mention when you are pregnant or a new parent that I feel we should of all heard about…


1. Being Pregnant.

It is the most amazing, beautiful experience of your life BUT no one tells you there are some days you will wake up and would of skipped 2 days of the year, you will eat the oddest combinations of food and maybe some of your favourites will make you sick to the stomach! You will forget what your feet look like, sleeping will become pretty much impossible and by 39 weeks you are begging your baby to just come out and at this point you don’t really care how!

2. Breastfeeding.

The thought of breastfeeding before I had my daughter was debateable and she was born with a tooth (YES A TOOTH). When the midwife handed her to me; she said “are you going to breastfeed” to which I responded “did you not tell me she has a tooth?!” In my head I was like boob + nipple + baby + tooth…HELL NO. However with a little encouragement I went with it and well, 15 months later my cherub done suck my titty dem dry! It was amazing being able to provide for my child what NO other person or product could, the benefits are out of this world and it became 2nd nature pretty quickly however no one told me I would want to cry for 2 weeks solid because I couldn’t feel my nipples and sleep deprivation would make me consider giving my 1 week old baby Ribena at 3am because the thought of putting her back on my boob was too much to bare! (I never did by the way and I promise you it gets easier and you won’t regret it)

3. DO NOT. I repeat DO NOT change nappies in the dark.

Now no matter how much of a pro you think you are at changing a nappy, doing it in the dark is never going to be a skill you will possess. I thought I had it down, I knew the smells; I knew my baby, I knew where everything was in the room! I got this. I didn’t have it. What I had was a face, bed, baby and hand full of shit. Invest in a bedside lamp or light. Trust me.

4. Friends? What Friends?

Before your pregnant and during your friends will love you, the excitement will be ripe and everything will be lovely. Then you push a pumpkin out your vajayjay and your friends all go walkies! The novelty wears off for them; you don’t have the friendship freedom you had before and they didn’t realise it was a requirement of your friendship! Some will stick by you and you will make heaps of new friends who will become some of your closest! It’s difficult maintaining any relationship when you are caught up with a new baby but don’t be disheartened, you’re not alone! Reach out to others online, through baby groups etc! You are NEVER alone and there are so many other people feeling exactly how you feel!

5. Iced latte. Iced Tea. 

You will never drink a hot cup of tea or coffee again, so if you are an avid tea/coffee drinker I suggest you invest in a hot flask! You will turn the kettle on and boil and re boil the kettle water it will be empty by the time you remember to pour it into your cup! If on the odd chance you actually make the tea by the time it you remember to drink it will be cold but you won’t care and you know what, It will taste dam good!

6. Keep your expectations low and your view of the public lower.

There will be times when you bundle of joy is simply NOT happy and there is nothing in the world that will help you sooth them! This normally occurs ONLY in public when you are in a coffee shop or the supermarket! You know the deal, they are screaming you are bouncing, pushing, rocking, singing, dam your about to start doing your best Mr Tumble impression in the middle of Tescos, Your sweating, hair stuck to the back of your neck, you want to scream, run away or head straight to the alcohol aisle! People are staring at you like you are going all Tekan on your own kid in public…. Take a deep breathe. Ignore the stares and sniggers and dirty looks from passers-by. You got this. And if you haven’t who cares! People will not help you or make you feel better so just rise above it! There is ALWAYS another mum (glad she’s not you at that moment) but completely understanding how your feeling! You are not the only one!

7. Its ok not to like them all the time.

They will test your patience, make you angry, throw up on your one clean dress, throw their dinner on your just hovered floor; spill drink on your cream suede sofa the list is endless. There are a million things kids will do to us to wind us up to high heaven and it’s ok to want a break. I beat myself up constantly about being happy to have an evening to myself but its ok. You are still YOU. Sometimes I wish someone would give me a time out and put me on the naughty step, the idea of having a few minutes alone, being ignored in the quiet is quite appealing!

8. Mother of the year.

Don’t fall into this competition that everyone enters! You know the drill “Oh My daughter can count to three”…”Oh well my son can count to 5″…Sometimes I want to scream “WELL MY DAUGHTER CAN TAKE HER OWN NAPPY OFF AND RUB SHIT ON MY FLOOR BOOOOOOM”…It’s easy to feel like you’re not keeping up or that everyone makes it look super easy and you just about had time to wipe your armpits and brush your hair! It’s normal!!!! We can all do it all the time! Do your best and do what’s best for you and your child and that’s all that matters!

9. Babies do not sleep.

For all the parents out there who’s lovely amazing little children slept 12 hours through the night from 6 weeks old…YOUR BABIES ARE ALIENS! Gosh, they don’t like sleep! We are nearly 2 and have the odd night cherub decides that Peppa Pig at 3am is perfectly acceptable. You can cope without sleep; trust me you will surprise yourself! But loose the expectation that they will sleep amazingly throughout the night from 6 weeks until they are 16! Not going to happen. You will be fine and when baby is ready they will sleep, work around them it’s the only way! If they do then brilliant, amazing but it is rare for children do to this. There is nothing wrong with your baby or you! Find what works best for you, it may be co-sleeping, separate sleeping, dummy, no dummy, a comfort, music…the options are endless but they are about YOU and YOUR baby so try them all, trust me I did! But whatever your do, don’t worry! You’re an amazing human being who created a whole person, trust me, coping on 3 hours sleep is a breeze in comparison!


10. And Finally…

The best thing that nobody can explain to you and even if they try you just cannot comprehend the overwhelming love that you feel when you have a child. There is nothing in this world that compares. When they smile at you, kiss you, touch you, pet your head and tell you they love you too. You simply cannot put into words how this feels for any parent. It’s the best thing about the job and makes everything else above seem completely irrelevant. So when any of the 9 above things are happening try your hardest to just remember the good moments. When you first saw their face and held them in your arms. The unconditional love they have for you, you are their King and Queen, there world, their everything and nothing will be able to come between that bond.

Embrace it; enjoy it, the good and the bad! Most importantly understand you are not alone and everyone is different!


Thanks for stopping by


P.S Grandparents have it easy!


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  1. May 22, 2014 / 11:56 am

    love this, such a brilliant description thank you

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