All along our life people come and go. They all do for various different reasons, in all different ways and stay for all different durations! Not all will be positive experiences and not all will be what you thought they were but every person you meet is for a reason, they are either a blessing or a lesson.
Some people we deem a blessing in our lives will often end up being a lesson and vice versa. My mum would sometimes say “people come for a time and a season” and it’s true. When you look back you have “phases” of people who surround you. Ones you hung out with all the time or maybe colleagues in a job you work in but we grow, change, move jobs, homes etc and those people who then surround us change. Every person in your life will offer you something different, they will have different values and the effect they have on you will vary, whether big or small as long as it’s a positive one!
I am quick to trust and quick to call people “friends” and soon realise that these people are simply lessons. Now these can be as simple as learning not trusting someone with your phone or they can be life changing lessons that make you realise aspects about yourself you never knew.
In most of my posts somewhere I go on about self-worth and reason being is because I am trying hard to learn how to love myself unconditionally and the more I talk about it the more I believe it. I want to learn to love myself enough to value how I feel, think, my opinions and to remove certain people from my life who are doing no good for me but determining who those people are is what I struggle with. I want to see the good in all and I will continue to justify their negative actions to convince myself that they must have surely been genuine? It’s easier to accept the beautiful lies than deal with the painful truth that some people are just not good for you and have no positive intentions.
I have struggled with believing that people could be so dishonest, careless and manipulating but I am naïve in my thinking. Not everyone wants to be your friend without gaining something from you. That personal gain could be anything from financial, sexual, control or even so they can try and believe their own self-worth. There are countless reasons why people will want you in their life but it is about monitoring who is in yours and why.
I am not a hypocrite, I won’t tell you it’s easy and we must do it all NOW because in all honesty I am no good with getting rid of people I know are no good for me. I try and justify why they are there to myself and then to others, convincing myself that people who have advised me they are no good MUST be wrong, because they “don’t know them like I do”. I have a battle in my head every time I speak to or see them asking myself why am I here, why did I bother etc, I know deep down what the situation is but the reality of just kicking someone out your life is so much easier said than done. I want to believe so much that they are good, they mean well, they do care but having these thoughts is damaging on a small and large scale whether it’s just simply a bad friend or to the extreme of a violent partner, trying to justify someone’s negatives actions will only make your situation worse.
People who want to see you will make time for you, don’t believe pathetic excuses, when you want to see someone you juggle things about, you make it happen! The person letting you down is no different from you; accept that they simply don’t want to.
When you know someone has lied to you, do not try and justify their lie and fish for the truth in it and work out where they may of “just got it a bit wrong”. It wasn’t the truth, they were dishonest, accept you cannot trust this persons words.
When someone takes advantage of you for their own gain do not under estimate the extremes they will go to, to get what they want. Everything can escalate. Do not give in to the spoilt child within them, accept your worth more.
If someone puts you down or manipulates a situation do not allow their weak mind to take over you or try and find the truth in their negativity. Accept they are intimidated by you and are simply jealous.
What people CAN do is very different from they WILL do. We can’t always understand someone else’s reasons for doing what they do for many reasons; you may not know them well enough, understand where they are coming from, walked in their shoes or simply understand their ass hole way of thinking.
No one has the right to control anyone else; not their actions or their thoughts. We can only control ourselves and how other people affect us.
Look at the people who surround you and question yourself as to why they are there, do they have any positive influence on your life, what are you getting from them? Are they empowering, encouraging? The people closest to you should only be doing these things even in criticism it should come from love but if you find people are bringing you down, making you feel negative, upset, anxious, angry then these people need to go.
So, if someone is controlling you or altering you then simply delete them.
Thanks for stopping by x
The fat funny one x
P. S Prevention is better than cure