I was scrolling through Instagram (as you do) and came across a quote that said;
“If you live off a man’s compliments, you’ll die from his criticism”
A powerful statement!
The above made me think about the emotional abuse we put ourselves through when we do exactly what it says; “live off a man’s compliments”. A “man” does not have to be your boyfriend or husband; this could be a family member, friend and your boss. The list is endless of people who will have an effect on your life.
Naturally as humans we want to impress, make people happy and we enjoy a compliment! I wake up some days and think ohhhhhh jess you look good today! But when it comes from someone else it feels even better! But why is that, when deep down only MY opinion is the one that matters? Reality says otherwise.
Now there is wishing for compliments and wanting them to LIVING for them and difference is substantial. When you live for someone else or the approval of someone else you end up doing things you wouldn’t normally, being someone you’re not and altering who you are in order to accommodate someone else’s view. When you have revolved you’re all around someone’s “compliments” when you do something that doesn’t please or they give you a criticism it is soul destroying.
We all criticise ourselves enough on a day to day basis! To hear it from someone you are craving the approval of hurts that bit more, that bit deeper and takes away more from you. I am the worse for criticizing myself, I am far too self-deprecating and I very rarely see the good in anything I do. I am working on it (it’s a slower process than I first believed lol) but my problem is I don’t do for myself. When I make a choice I very often make it based on someone else’s happiness. Will this make them happy? If I do this then this will make them feel this way? If I change this it will make them accept me, like me, love me?
I continue to put other people’s opinions and the prospect of them complimenting me in front of what makes me happy.
I often tell myself I am being selfless when really I am just being stupid!
I do all these things and then when someone turns around and is negative or doesn’t like it, I am broken. I have allowed someone to make a choice for me and then break me without even knowing they have!
It is so hard to accept that some people will just never be happy with you or what you do, more so when you don’t accept yourself for who you are. If you are certain of yourself no one can make you doubt yourself and it’s that self-doubt that makes us chase the compliment to confirm what we are not sure of!
I recently knew I was seeing someone I wanted to impress, I spent so long getting ready making sure I looked my best! Took hours thinking about my outfit, how to have my hair and my makeup. I saw them, they told me I looked amazing and I was elated. I was so happy until it dawned on me that I knew that already! I left the house feeling good and told myself I looked nice, why did their compliment mean more to me than my own? If they hadn’t said anything or didn’t like what they saw how would I of felt? I opened myself up for a world of disappointment and was openly going to let someone “kill me” with their criticism because I lived for them in that moment, I lived for what they liked, what they wanted and how they saw me.
If you ALLOW someone to kill you is it murder or suicide?
Live for yourself. Live for how you feel about yourself. People are fickle; they change! As does their view on you, their taste & their opinion. If you let someone’s compliments feed your soul, then their criticism will starve it and too much of either will ultimately lead to…
Thanks for stopping by x
The fat funny one x
P.S I did really look fineeeeeee that day 😉