I have had a few friends tell me to write something about this after several conversations after nights out! You’re in a club, you see a guy (or don’t see him) and they scoot over to you…and grab you and give you the dreaded “I beg you come talk to me for a minute”..WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Why oh why is this normal? You get grab up, pushed into a corner, whistled, heckled at, and shouted at, all for 11 digits that you will probably make up anyway! The uglier the guy the WORSE he is at the whole chat up game!
I went out a few months ago and someone approached me, he grabbed my arm as I walked past and asked if he would speak to me, I replied NO politely (ish) – I mean I smiled as I said it! I then continued to walk away! Obviously this wasn’t what he was either expecting or wanting so he grabbed my arm again and said “it will only take a minute”. I responded “I can imagine so..”! He didn’t get the point (or the joke) and grabbed me harder and backed me into a corner! I gave him every excuse in the book; my friends are gone, I am looking for my girls, I have a boyfriend, I am married, I am a lesbian, I work for the police (that does work trust me!) Anyway, none of those mattered and he had come backs for them all until another guy ( I didn’t know) stepped in and told him to leave me alone, only for them to then start arguing, push each other and shove me down some steps as he hadn’t actually let go of my arm! I mean, I’m not THAT nice lol as flattered as I was it was a bit too much!
What’s most shocking about this is it is so often! My girls are forever complaining about the way men approach them and I have no idea why men continue to do this! I thought maybe it was an age thing? Culture thing? Maybe they just didn’t get enough beats when they were growing up? I have no idea why it is the way it is but something’s got to change!
What happened to the fairy tale, very cliché and corny “can I have this dance?” Although, with the music these days I am not sure an offer to dance to “bend over bend over bend over” is actually that appealing or romantic!
Being chatted up is an awkward moment for both chatter upper and chatter upee! I understand the pressure and the courage it takes for a someone to walk over to someone else unknowing of what will happen and having the prospect of rejection looming! However, it’s not what you’re doing its how you’re doing it! Now as frustrating as it can be I do also know that some of us ladies also need to appreciate the courage it took for a guy to walk over to you and that we need to let people down “gently” and “politely”. Shouting “moveee from me you nasty piece of….” is just going to upset someone!
So I have decided to put together a few “rules” to see if we can make the process that little bit smoother! Here are a few for the guys:
1. Under no circumstances do you need to touch! If you lay your hand on someone (or me) it will get broken.
2. Start your conversation with a “hello”. A greeting is a nice conversation starter! “girl look at that assss” is NOT a greeting nor is it going to kick off any form of polite verbal communication.
3. Do NOT Whistle/Screech/Click/Clock/ or tick tock! Just SPEAK! We are not animals, we do not answer to these safari callings.
4. Take rejection well. Some women do genuinely have boyfriends or they are simply not interested. If she says no telling her she “wasn’t even that nice anyway” just makes you look stupid!
5. Keep it short and sweet! You don’t need to know our life story there and then! This isn’t an interview for a job, be polite, nice & straight to the point!
Now Ladies, the men are not the only ones who can’t always get this right!
1. Be as polite as possible! Until he gives you a reason to cuss him then try and be civil; Especially if he is ugly. Appreciate the struggle.
2. Watch a few bruce lee movies so if at any given opportunity so if he touches you and you don’t like it; you can karate chop him in his forehead.
3. DONT ENCOURAGE IT! If he was rude and you STILL give him your REAL number you are letting him know that his behaviour is ok!
4. Walking past him 6 times to get your drink, then a straw, then another straw, then to see your girl and then get another drink is not going to make him notice you anymore!Let it be natural and Let him come to you and be a lady about it! If he likes what he sees let him approach you when he is ready!
5. Change the game up! If you like what you see there is nothing stopping you from approaching him either! Don’t be too stoosh to ask!
There is one main rule for everyone that will make this whole situation easier for all! And it is REMEMBER YOUR MANNERS! They are free!
Guys, You can buy a girl a drink and flash your £40 bottle of champs in her face and ladies he doesn’t need a lecture on how you are an independent woman and “got your own”. Manners are free despite any of the above and are far more appreciated!!
So Ladies and Gents, next time you are out and see someone you like take a chance but come correct! Remember the rules, remember your manners and most importantly remember your number!
Thanks for stopping by x
The Fat Funny One x
P.S Mine is 0758….