Sorry to anyone named Dave it was literally the first D name that came to mind! (Not the first D word though haha opps)
When you were younger (or even older) and got told off for something you had done wrong the worst line possible your parents could of dropped at that moment is “I am disappointed in you”…At that point you would rather they just punched you in the throat. Would hurt far less.
We all know the saying “you cant please all of the people all of the time” which naturally means that some people will be left simply unimpressed with you; but what happens when it feels like everyone is feeling this way? Sometimes we all have “patches” where no-one seems pleased with anything that we do and we can begin to get so worked up that you end up believing that no one will ever be happy with you or anything you do.This can escalate quickly into a downward spiral of self loathing, anxiety and depression.
I know its silly and very hard to admit but a lot of the time my happiness is determined by how others perceive me, how happy they are with me and my life choices and that can sometimes decide what I chose to do in a situation and more worryingly over rule what I actually want. When I am in a situation I will try and weigh up the consequences of any choice or decision I make within it. 9 times out of 10 I find it easier to be overlook my happiness or comfort because in my head I will feel worse having to deal with the guilt of not making others happy or “letting them down”. It is a dangerous game to play and I am normally the person to say “always go with your heart because your head can catch up but your heart wont” so why am I so rubbish at taking my own advice?
People throughout our lives will have expectations of us, family, friends, colleagues, school teachers; the list if endless of the people who will have an idea in their own minds of what to expect from you. When you may catch up with someone you haven’t spoken to or seen in a long time you can sometimes almost feel like you have to live up to whatever it maybe they want to see from you!
It amazes me that as humans we can sometimes be so selfish, we have strong survival instincts and quite often I see and hear people say “every man for themselves” yet in equal measure we will often be happy to compromise ourselves or remain in a situation that we are not content; in the hope we do not let other people down.
Regret, Hurt and “What if’s” can eat away at you for years and the worst situation you can put yourself in is one where you end up resenting someone because you based your decision on them. In some situations, regardless of the consequences you have to be unapologetic for the decisions you have made because ultimately any choice you make will effect you the most.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are very important people we always have to consider when making life choices, our children especially and the pressure to make the “right choice” can be so overwhelming that we end up feeling like we are going stir crazy! I know I can. I am such an emotional person, I feel everything I do and then some so making decisions can be quite hard for me and rather than think logically or sensibly I can often be irrational and quite frankly have moments where I just don’t think at all.
A wise friend explained to me feeling like you are not doing the right thing but being aware your in this situation is progress.
The guilt that comes with disappointing someone can be more damaging than the actual act, the disappointment or how the person even reacts. The most basic form of guilt that I succumb to everyday is when I say no to my daughter and she cries! It might be something as simple as saying no to a chocolate bar at 7am and despite knowing what is best I still cant help but feel awful for letting her down and knowing that the frustration and upset she is feeling is because of me. I often give in and then I am angry at myself and then feel guilty for letting myself down, it just goes round and round, so where does it stop?
It stops with me. With you. Being understanding that not everyone will be happy with your life choices or things you may decide to do, but trusting that those people or that person loves you regardless means you simply need to just give it time for them to accept the choice you have made.
We only have one life and to live it with guilt, what ifs?, resentment and discontent would be a wasted one!
Give yourself permission to walk away from something that doesn’t make you happy without concern or regret. Sometimes there is not even any reason to explain yourself you have to just do what is best for you at that moment. Its inevitable that we will disappoint people in our lives with things we say and do but how we deal with that shows character and that builds who you are.
You are not defined by the amount of people you disappoint, by how happy others are with you or by the expectations others may have of you. You are not even defined by your life choices however your are defined by how you deal with them, how you correct your wrongs and how you handle yourself in certain situations. The most important opinion of you is the one you hold of yourself.
Accepting that we simply cannot please everyone, change their views or avoid disappointing is the beauty of simply growing up. Understanding that we are just who we are and in bettering yourself, changing and growing you will unimpress, disappoint and upset but that doesn’t mean you are a bad person, quite the opposite. Your are a better person because you are going through those changes.
Thanks for stopping by x
The fat funny one x
P.S Its not about who you are right now, its about you will become.