Tears & Cupcakes

I have said it over and over again and most people I would like to think can relate but I Jessica, the Fat Funny one, Am an emotional eater!

Now when you say this people automatically think just when you’re feeling down and although this is the main cause it is not always the case. Coming from a Caribbean background most celebrations are revolved around food and a lot of it, whether it is a birthday, a wedding, christening or even funeral there is always mounds and mounds of food!

When I am happy I eat, nervous eat, scared eat, sad eat…you get the point? I never forget a girl I used to work with who was going through a breakup lost about 3 stone and when I asked how she replied “the heartbreak diet, stress works wonders for weight loss”. I have NEVER been one of these people. Jealous of them yes; one of them, no.

I cannot understand not eating when you feel stressed or the idea of “losing your appetite”. It just isn’t something that comes naturally to me! I have recently lost 2 stone (28lbs) and have been quite content with the way things are going and despite not being near my goal weight I am slowly beginning to see something I like and have even taken some full length pictures! It hasn’t been easy and not because I can’t cook or have no discipline or won’t work out; it is simply because the only dietician I seem to listen to is my emotions.

I have recently neglected my blog and haven’t been able to write because I have been really down, I know this is a contrast to what many of you who follow me on social media would have seen but it is what it is. I have been suffering with anxiety and can’t really explain myself to many. I tried to channel this focus into changing my body and it worked until one emotion just got to strong and then my appetite kicks in! To quote gone with the wind “Frankly my dear, I just don’t give a damn” and it’s with that attitude I spiral into a whirlwind of cake, take away and anything with more than 500 calories. Telling myself “I deserve it” for getting through whatever it was or “It doesn’t matter anyway” or the oh so positive “life is crap so why not eat it”.

I allow my emotional state to manage my plate! (That never meant to rhyme but I am a little pleased it did). It’s frustrating when people point it out to you, something you are quite aware of yourself but it’s easy to judge or even tell yourself to do better than the reality of actually getting out of this bad habit.

 

People will tell me “it will only make you feel worse” but I have mastered the art of eating 4 cupcakes without being sick so don’t lie to me. When we get content, happy, sad or depressed food is many of our comforts but there comes this great shame in admitting there is a deeper rooted problem when you reach for the take away menu because you have had a bad day. I have slowly come to learn that the biggest part of my emotional eating was the self-loathing that allowed me to do it in the first place and the even worse that came after. The vicious cycle that comes with it is so damaging, you feel bad so you eat, then you feel bad because you ate so you eat more and round and round it goes.

A circle is continuous, it won’t end or finish until YOU decide enough is enough. Having a positive relationship with food; starts with you having a positive relationship with yourself.

 

Now I know it’s so cliché to say and trust me I am not about to tell anyone to stop eating hot wings, but understanding why you are putting something in your mouth is a huge start. We are led by emotions as humans, how we react, how we speak, how we see situations and ultimately how we see ourselves. I have tried (and failed and tried again) to channel my emotions into something other than food when I am feeling a certain way! I mean the other day a friend was having a really bad day so I dropped everything, went to Tesco and bought all their favourite food! So not only am I an emotional eater I force it on my friends to be too, telling them they will feel better if they eat all this!

Since having the understanding that I have an issue it has made it easier for me to address. Taking control of my emotions means taking control of my diet. I have decided that rather than hide away from writing when I am not feeling up to it and eating away at my emotions, writing is exactly what I should channel my emotions into. Giving others the opportunity to relate, understand and get comfort in knowing they are not the only person who ate 20 chicken nuggets on Saturday night because they were feeling a bit blerugh. (I probably am the only person but humour me)

 

Pledge to find something other than food to fill that void! Channel that emotion, passion, happiness, sadness and whatever else it may be into something you can see.

So here is my pledge; I won’t disappear when I feel overhwlemed, hurt, down or anxious. I will swap my cupcakes for my keyboard and write.

 

Thanks for stopping by x

 

The fat funny one x

 

P.S – Just one cupcake is ok.

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