The Numbers Game

Hi my name is Jess and I am a serial Dieter!

You name it, I have tried it and I have failed it and for no other reason other than I am simply no good at maths!

Everyone had subjects they loved at school and knowing me people would assume it was something creative like drama, music or art! It wasn’t, it was maths! I loved the subject and even the teacher but he never liked me! If you are reading this and were in my class you would know my Khalil’s favourite saying ever was “Jess, just leave”…Once he asked me before I walked in and said it would prevent us from disrupting the class later! haha

However my love for the numbers quickly changed when I was no longer working out equations in a text book but I was attempting to subtract how many pounds I could lose in the shortest space of time and how many would make me beautiful.

If A= Calories and Jess ate 17 cupcakes, 6 chicken wings and a burger in 48 hours, what does that make Jess? FAT. It makes Jess FAT. I began to become obsessed and looking back you will see my weight life in pictures. Up down and round and round. It has always been an issue for me but I never really understood the real issue until now.

Losing weight or trying to become healthy is a number overload! Whether it is stones, kilos, pounds, dress sizes, inches or calories we are forever counting, subtracting, adding, diving, multiplying and ultimately defining ourselves by these numbers; Numbers that in some sense can become meaningless. Now don’t get me wrong, I am still on this ever-lasting journey to weight loss and surprisingly now I am really enjoying it and will try and encourage who I can when I can however I sometimes have to step back and ensure I don’t become so consumed with the maths that I lose sight of what defines me.

I follow a few hundred people on instagram some of who have really turned their lives around with their weight loss but the pattern in my favourite accounts especially, is that they believed they were beautiful from the very beginning. @Curvaliciousgirl is one of my absolute favourites! She promotes self-love, self-awareness and self-worth. And most importantly the love of the curves! These are the things we need to remember whether we are adding or subtracting those pounds! She has lost an amazing amount of weight but it’s not that that inspired me the most; it was and is her constant love and appreciation for her body, flaws and all. She never “takes away” from herself she only ever multiplies her levels of confidence, her self-worth and her unconditional love. I started reading her posts and just felt important, felt worth something and for the first time in a long time, loved myself even though I was so far from my goal I couldn’t even do the maths!

Like many on their weight loss journey a gain (especially unexpected) can really throw me off, I get so caught up in the “addition” I forget about all the other “subjects” that have got me to this point, the “drama,” my “history”, The very complex “art & Design” of what makes me who I am.  

We all start at a different weight and have different goals and targets we wish to achieve, I often look at some pages and have the same thought process “I wish I looked like her, she’s done so amazing, But I couldn’t do it, I will NEVER look like her or get to target like her or look like that” and you know what? That’s a good thing! I am not her, I am me. Her journey was different, her goal was different and her reasons were different (although I like to think I am not alone in wanting to look SMOKING in a bikini on the beach).

Don’t lose sight of your achievements, your goals and your already shining beauty! So things are a bit (or in my case A LOT) soft around the middle, things are a little lower than they should be, a bit bigger than they should be and my jeans are literally cutting my stomach but you know what, SO WHAT! 1 little pound at a time I will get to where I am comfortable – this could be sooner if I just bought bigger jeans.

My goal “number” is not the absolutely unrealistic number the “Average weight chart” tells me but with a number comfortable to me; A number that will NOT define me but will simply be a small part of the things that make me the person that I am; The wonderful, kind, a bit quirky, loving and crazy person that I am.

It sounds corny and so cliché to say but we truly are all beautiful and all have something someone wished they had! Whether it’s your curves, your big boobs, your small boobs, your big booty, your long legs, your flat stomach or your confidence! Someone out there is looking at your for inspiration and in admiration!

Do not do what I did and let those numbers take over! Yes they will encourage you, discourage you, confuse you, make you happy and depress you but they do NOT define you!

 

So whether you are counting syns, pro points, macros or calories, that surely is enough maths for one day right?

I had to refocus and evaluate and have had better losses when my focus has simply been making myself a better version of me and not a new version of me. I am perfectly imperfect just the way I am, sometimes I just need a little tweek (And a twerk).

 

 

 

Thanks for Stopping By x

 

The fat funny one x

 

P.S Who uses maths after school anyway?

PPS. (Everyone but that’s simply not the point is it?)

 

My other favourite insta accounts are: @Curvaliciousgirl @Paulajc @peachysw @laurenwallis_sw @born_2_transform @fayes_fitness

 

There are more and I will add them!

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