Inbetweener.

Sometimes I want to work out, go to the gym but then I kind of want to just eat a pizza instead. I want to have a healthy bank balance and save but then I just saw some shoes….I want to take a nap and lie in but then I want to have my whole life together by 5pm next Wednesday.

What am I doing?

I am 25, nearly 26, engaged, a mother, have a career and a regular routine lifestyle but I still often have days where I want to quote Britney (yea I said it, Britney) and sing “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman!”. Despite my mother and fiancé status I sometimes don’t feel very grown up at all and think it’s perfectly acceptable to have a full on tantrum because someone else ate the last cookie.

We go through phases in life with age that similar things are happening to those around us. When we all left school it was seeing who is driving and what car they drove! Then at 18/19 we started asking what uni people were going too and how often they went out…by our early 20’s we are suddenly looking at friends getting into careers and asking each other how’s work then by our 20’s-30’s we all begin to settle, a few babies here and there, a whole heap of engagements and even a few weddings! There seem to be periods in our lives when certain things just happen…and then there is me.

Now despite me pretty much fitting in to all of those categories I still just have days where I have absolutely no idea where I am going, what I am doing and where I have come from! Sometimes being an adult is just crap! The bills, the responsibility blerughhhhhhhhhhhh! Everyone born in 90 something is like 12 (they are not they are actually in their 20’s) and everyone else is old. I am at that awkward uncomfortable age where being an adult seems far-fetched and boring but being anything else seems immature and beneath me! I am an inbetweener.

There is this “template” of life that most people slip into to, Childhood, Teenager, Uni, Job, Career, Partner, Marriage, Family, settle down, get old; Die. IS that it? Is that all we are supposed to do? Work to pay bills and just live? I appreciate the opportunity to do any of those things can far surpass what others get the chance to do and we are fortunate but it is so hard to sometimes think, is this it?

I always see funny quotes that say things like “When I was a child I was afraid of the dark and now I pay the electricity I am afraid of the light” and it’s so true! When did we get here? Why did it all go so quickly? I once decided to look at an old bank statement. Depressing. Don’t do it. Realising you wasted hundreds of pounds on take always, champagne and all sorts of other random stuff is absolutely the most terrifying and horrifying thing you could do! But when did I become the grown up? The person who now looks at girls and wonders where their coats are? Who’s heels have got shorter (not quite kitten though, don’t panic), the one who carries flats in my bag and opts to drive on a night out rather than drink!

When did that happen? Who am I? and where is the irresponsible, fun party girl I was last weekend? But it wasn’t last weekend. It was years ago!

Being an inbetweener is a daily struggle, One day you are loving the independence you have and you are so proud of the responsible amazing adult you have become I mean who isn’t excited they can drink wine on the sofa and watch what they want on tele and can leave the dishes in the sink without being told off… and then the next day; the council tax bill arrives, along with the MOT reminder and the washing machine decides to have a breakdown!

I remember being at the age when getting a letter in the post was the most exciting thing in the world, now I don’t even check my mailbox for a week because I dread to think what bill is lurking or who has raised their prices!

I feel like we haven’t quite gotten over being a teenager, the age that was supposed to be awkward but looking back it wasn’t at all. It’s now; when we are expected to have it all together but in reality we want to watch Disney films in our PJs and let our mum make us dinner.

It is ok to have these feelings, its ok to not have it all together by 30! Life maybe short but we have the gift of it. Every day we are credited in the bank of life with another 24 hours. Use them, enjoy them, embrace them and love them. There is an immense pressure put on us by others, seeing Auntie’s at weddings asking when your next, grandparents requesting more grandchildren and others asking why your still in the same job! But it isn’t just others we do it to ourselves, comparing with people we know, even celebrities and feel like they have it all together by 25 and we are just standing around, pouring wine. We have it together a lot more than we think we do and it’s ok to not be all there right now, just work towards it. We will get there eventually.

If you don’t have it all by the end of today, it’s fine. When we wake up tomorrow we are credited with another 24 hours to try again.

Thanks for stopping by x

The Fat Funny One x

P.S We got this.

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