Sticks and Stones…

May break my bones and your words can sometimes hurt me!

Now I am well aware that this isn’t how the saying normally goes but this seems more true to me. I have always been the emotional type and always take on board people’s ideas and opinions of me. I know you shouldn’t take on what people say all the time but it’s easier said than done! If someone tells me something I often believe what they say and then get it in my head that if THEY think it then surely others do too?

I am on a huge journey at the moment, learning about myself, my relationships and how I let people effect my life. Every day I find out something about myself I didn’t realise or I never knew at all! One of the most prominent to me is how I let people’s opinions determine my attitude, shape my perception of myself and more obviously my mood. For example, I recently ordered a dress online, now I am very aware that it won’t look on me how it does on the model because she looks like she hasn’t eaten all her life and I look like I just strolled out of an all you can eat. None the less, I have dressed my body for many years so aware of what should work and what wont. I ordered it, it came. I took a selfie (as you do) and I sent it to a friend. A friend who’s opinion I value highly. I had a choice of 2 dresses and simply asked which was better, neither was I a HUGE fan off and I stated that I hated both but I had to choose one.

NOW…I know I am not the only person who has done this or something similar, whether it’s your hair, outfit or sofa! As humans we often seek out on a second (or third or fourth) opinion so we can confirm how we feel about something or so we can simply have someone tell us because we just can’t decide! Now when you ask for someone’s honest opinion you have to be prepared for any answer they give but there is some level of trust between people that the answer will no doubt be what you want to hear or you have an idea of what they are going to say. This wasn’t the case for me, at all.

Now equally as prepared as you have to be for not hearing what you want the person giving you that opinion has also got to be open enough to know you may not like what you hear! I was upset at what they had said, I didn’t understand and I was disappointed because they pointed things out to me that I actually hadn’t considered! After my phone call I spent 10 minutes crying and then 45 minutes searching for an alternative dress, I had the worst night’s sleep worrying that if they thought this then surely others do! Then I realised, I have just wasted almost 10 hours of my life and a night of sleep because of what someone else thought. Collectively how long have we wasted worrying or concerned over what other people have said, done or think?

I find it silly when people say “other people’s opinions don’t matter at all” because realistically how true is that? If your boss doesn’t think you’re good at your job then that’s a problem! If you’re a comedian and your audience don’t find you funny they won’t come to your shows, if you’re a singer and no one likes your music no one will listen to it! If you’re a designer and no one likes your clothes then no one will buy them! People’s opinions DO matter BUT it’s how you deal with them that determine who you are.

So your boss doesn’t think your good at your job, you work harder, you think differently you take a new approach OR you stick your two fingers up and find another job! (I only really advise option1). So for me, I am not going to run to the nearest gym so this dress looks “better” or buy a completely new dress. I am simply going to change my way of thinking.

It also made me think about times I have said something not so nice or too harsh to a friend. Did I consider how they would feel? How the information or opinion I was providing would affect them? Sometimes it’s not what you say it’s how you say it! I can honestly say I haven’t always been nice and sometimes I don’t always watch what I say or how I say it, did this then make me a hypocrite?

I read somewhere recently that you must let the words that pass through your lips go through three gates; is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? I am going to try to live by this mantra and learn to understand the value of what I say and that you may not think what you say is important but you have no idea how deeply your words can effect someone else.

 

Learn to understand that people will always have their opinion on you, whether it’s positive or not but you must learn to take what you need from the information given and then move on. Move on with self-worth and understanding that what you think, you will become. So if someone tells you, you are no good and you take on what they say you will become exactly that because you will spend your time justifying what they said about you rather than questioning what they said.

Do I think my friend was telling the truth, I don’t know. Do I think it was necessary, no? Was it kind? Well, that depends on the intention and that I am unsure of! When you say something to someone, consider why you are saying it. What is your intention by giving someone this piece of information? If it is not to empower, encourage or help then there is no reason for you to say it at all. Be selfless in the giving of information and your opinion, don’t do it for your own gain.  

 

For me, I am going to watch what I say more carefully and question myself when I am about to tell someone what I think. I will learn not to seek others approval and do things more for myself, regardless of what they think (unless it’s my boss). I will learn to love myself enough to value my thoughts and opinions over someone else’s. I will be honest, kind, thoughtful and considerate. I will try and be and do what I would like from others.

So the next time you speak to someone or you’re going to say something, ask yourself!

Is it True?

Is it Necessary?

Is it Kind?

 

Thanks for stopping by x

 

The fat funny one x

 

P.S  Does my bum look big in this?

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One thought on “Sticks and Stones…

  1. Great post, Jess, and sooo true. I have heard of a similar acronym:

    THINK

    Is it Truthful
    Is it Helpful
    Is it Inspiring
    Is it Necessary
    Is it Kind

    If none of the above then zip it 🙂

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