“Lies have expiry dates..”

I was never good at lying. Even as a child, I thought I was but I wasn’t and I got caught every single time. It made me wary of telling lies as an adult so the reality is I try my best not to. I can’t sit here and say I tell the truth 100% of the time because yesterday I told my child that Wakanda was a real place rather than argue about it any more and I don’t think my CV has been accurate since 2009 (If my boss is reading this then it is 100% accurate and this is just a joke).

I found quickly into my adult life people will lie. I was almost naive to it for so many years because I never really understood it because the truth always comes out so whats the point? Gaining from lying will almost always be temporary and whilst that temporary may seem like forever (especially if your the one being lied too) it will eventually all come out and unfortunately it will leave a trail of destruction behind it. The longer the lie the worse the it is to “clean up”.

Social media can often be a home for simple untruths, misunderstandings or outright big fat lies. I often get frustrated because I try and be as authentic as possible online but how do I do this whilst keeping some things private? I don’t always talk about whats going on in my life or every single aspect of my upbringing because it doesn’t just effect me, its not just “my business” but equally I want people to understand where I am coming from and that I am a real person too.

I rarely speak out about things that are too controversial, I try and be diplomatic and openminded when I speak about things that are personal or sensitive in order to try not to offend anyone, I don’t like calling people out or being nasty online and I hate the idea of upsetting or triggering someone with things I do or say.  I am not strategic (mainly because I’m just rubbish at it) but what I do is try to be as honest and open as I can be and have integrity with everything I do.

It is easy in the world of social media to jump on a bandwagon. Everyone loves a bandwagon but often because of the reasons above I don’t bother getting involved in addition to  the fact that maybe I am not informed enough about it, it doesn’t really have much to do with me or I am not able to handle potential backlash.

There have been loads of things happening that make me want to speak out but I take a second before I get involved/post or shout about it and check if there is someone else who has a better perspective, is more informed or had a real experience that can shout better than I can and then I support that person to shout as loud as possible.

I thought everyone thought like that. I came into this social media world thinking everyone was living their truth and it was this supportive place to come to to find like minded people and it is…98% of the time. The other 2% is filled with people who tell lies, who have no integrity, are here to make a quick buck, get rich or are tearing people apart for no reason other than for their own personal gain.

I remember someone telling me about a blogger who was promoting contraception and then about a week later announced their pregnancy. *I actually laughed writing this because it still makes me laugh*. Nobody called it out or said anything and I wondered if they were too scared to, didn’t notice or it just simply didn’t matter? I wondered did they really use the product they were talking about and if so clearly it didn’t work or if they knew all alone they weren’t going to use it but wanted the cash. Yes I too have done #ads and I work with brands but I have a personal rule – if I wouldn’t be a customer or I am not currently a customer then don’t work with them. Simple as that.  Because people will sniff out when something isn’t authentic a mile off.

I sometimes see posts and things happening on instagram and wonder how people can’t see what I do? I then have to question my dam self to check I am not loosing my mind. For example someone recently posted something saying the “made” something themselves, I read comment after comment of them saying they made it and people being so lovely about it and so “proud” but I could see the brand logo in the pic of where they had got it from…..Surely that couldn’t of just been me?

To quote the famous Judge Judy “if something doesn’t sound right it is probably because its not true” and I try and live by that when scrolling through my feed. My instinct is my first point of call and if something feels “off” then I unfollow to remove myself from seeing anything or getting involved further (this is often after I have looked at every post back till 2006 to confirm my weird feeling).

It is a minefield this social media world and it has its ups and down. Mainly ups and it is a platform I love using and probably am slightly addicted too but the downs are nasty, dark and scary. I try and avoid them, I try and stand outside on the sidelines looking in and dipping in when I feel its safe to do so because I’m scared of backlash, of trolls and of people just being unkind (and all the other reasons I said above)

It is easy to get caught up and go with the motions, agree because that is what the majority have done because that is fair easier than going against the grain but I wouldn’t be living my truth if I did that.

I wish people would tell the truth more (diplomatically and constructively if it isnt positive), I wish people would be more honest on social media, I wish people wouldn’t lie for their own personal gain and I wish people would hold each other up rather than climb on each other to get where they need to go.

I have seen loads of talk about forums and hate sites. I have experience with them, people talked about me on there too and it is NOT nice. It is confusing, hurtful and hard to grasp. I mean – I totally get I am not everyones cup of tea (hell some of the comments I agreed with I can be annoying AF) but I can’t understand why someone would make an active choice to be cruel about someone publicly.

It seems none of us can  do anything right. If you working class or poor then you shouldn’t have kids, if your middle class then your stuck up and privileged. If you go to work your neglecting your children, if you don’t work your lazy. If you breastfeed your preachy and a hippy if you bottle feed your lazy and judged. There is literally NO way round getting people to NOT have an opinion on anything we all do but the worst thing we can do is let them divide us.

The wars have got to stop. Everything seems to be up for debate or a reason to dislike or call someone out. Hell, I didn’t know what hummus was until I was 24. I thought lurpak was “posh people butter” , corned beef and rice was a special occasion meal in my house (added sweetcorn if your really going for it) and pies came in a tin (Fray & Bentos for life) BUT that doesn’t mean I can’t relate to another woman whose life may have been different to mine and it certainly doesn’t give me a reason to dislike her.

It is corny to say but we will generally get further together. Knowing when its your place to speak out and when its your place to share your platform so someone else can. Understanding your privilege and knowing when its appropriate to support, to shout or to simply say nothing. We don’t need a representative, we need each other. You don’t lie or cheat your way to success. You don’t manipulate or create situations to work in your favour. You simply speak your truth, support others who speak theirs, work hard and be kind.

I hope you can see my truth. I hope you can respect, appreciate and enjoy the content I put out there, free or otherwise but most of all I hope you see me as human.

Thanks for stopping by x

The Fat Funny One x

P.S – You really haven’t lived until you have had the soggy pie goodness of a chicken pie in a tin.


1 Comment

  1. Jill
    August 21, 2018 / 11:56 am

    Wow Jess, an amazing post. Thank you for sharing, and for being you xx

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